time to work.

I have finished year 11.

I guess as I'm getting exams back, I'm certainly coming to the realisation of how much harder I need to work next year; not only so I do well but to avoid the consequences of not doing as well as I know I can. Let me tell you, I'm good at being angry at myself. It's not always a bad thing, but if it's for too lengthy a period or for a particularly bad reason, and stuffing up year 12 would fall into the VERY angry at self category, it's not good for me.

It's the kind of thing where I don't like not reaching my potential. It makes me angry that I'm not using what I've been given; that I'm not breathing every breathe like a gift to be kept; that I'm not realising that every breath is not obligation; it is a gift. And every breathe that I've been given points to a grace that I cannot fully comprehend. And yes, I did just compile three Jon Foreman quotes there. They are three quotes that I hope I never forget.

I always make "going to work harder" resolutions, yet they never come into fruition. My goodness I hope it does this time. Surely the whole year 12 thing will work some magic on my laziness and motivation.

I'm tossing up whether or not to keep extension maths, I probably shouldn't, but there's a part of me that thinks if I really worked I would be good at it. Maybe I'm naïve. My maths teacher thinks it'd be better for me to concentrate on normal maths so I can bring that mark up so it'll work well for my UAI. Maybe she's right.

Anyway, I didn't end up having an all day studies of religion class today, but I do have a heck of a lot of reading to do over the holidays now. Environmental ethics. Religion in Australia since 1945. Martin Luther. Saeed Qutb. It's probably 300 pages of reading. Joy. it is at least interesting most of the time.

Tomorrow I am leaving at 5:30am to catch my plane to Jayne. Yes, that was intentional rhyme. Probably no blogs until I get back from Kids Mission at Henty next Sunday night.

Bis Dann! (until then)

back to school. for 3 days.

Exam period is officially over. I'm back to school tomorrow. for 3 days. lame. I feel like I'm on holidays.

Tomorrow is normal school.
Wednesday is Year 12 muck-up and the formal assemblies, covering periods 1-4. Then I'm a writer for a year 9 girl in her PD exam which will cover most of periods 5 and 6. Then Studies of Religion any left over time and after school 'til 4.
Thursday is a Studies of Religion incursion. ALL DAY. It's actually period 1-7 but I have a visual design assessment in the after school part of that (periods 7 and 8 if you like). So I'll get to cut off that last bit, I'll no doubt be so full of studies of that I will no longer be able to concentrate anyway.
Friday morning I jet off at 6:45am, 'cause that's when the cheapest flight was lol.

So, year 11 is almost over. how. weird. year 12 is almost here. even. weirder.

[/boring blog about my week]

new things and travels

I've got some new stuff. and I will get some more new stuff. the best is indeed yet to come.

Yesterday I finally got new runners (they have cranberry, not red, on them). So now I can go running without getting shin splints.
I also bought a new hair straightener, so now I can get my hair cut (which I am doing in an hour and a half) and I now don't have to worry too much about the position my hair drys in; that was just annoying and time consuming.
I will be very soon getting a guitar (*WOO*); this makes me very, very, very, very, very happy. Akeee! I've ben wanting to learn for about 5 years and no matter how much my parents said the 40-year old guitar we currently have was fine. It's not. It's an epic fail. Sounds terrible.

so *woo* for new things.

In other news, it's only...4 days (*meeeeeeeeep!*) until I fly down to Melbourne to visit Jayne! Akee! *woo* *timmy shimmes* (heck yes, meezle.)

and then from there I am flying to Wagga Wagga...to be picked up and driven to Henty to do Kids Mission with my youth group *woo* again! I've got to do the drawing for the talks though...that might take a while so I'd better get onto it. Oh! and I have an awesome outfit for the play. I'll get photos. It's toga-ish. I'm a jungle man. who grunts. to say extremely long things. it's really quite funny. but. you know. I am quite funny. so. it works. heh. I suck at acting.

blessed, not happy

So this is an old blog, like over 6 months. Don't know exactly when I wrote it. It was the kind of thing where one thing led to another and I ended up writing about different things than what I expected. I'm kind of re-writing it now though, partly 'cause I need something to post.

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So I had heard this quote a while ago (I should mention that it's a partial quote and I still agree with it in its full form):

"Being miserable requires effort - you have to ignore a lot of things."

At the time, I had thought it an excellent quote, a real positive way to approach life, and perhaps that was a good thing for me at the time, an intermediate step to a greater understanding. I guess it was one of the quotes that really made me try and see the beautiful, and no I wasn't depressed and unable to see beauty or anything, but I had limited appreciation I think, at least looking back anyway.

I thought about the quote in terms of opposites. I wondered, if being miserable requires effort in that you have to ignore a lot of things, what does happiness require? I wondered, does it work to say "Being happy requires effort - you have to ignore a lot of things"? And I think that is also true. I thought, maybe it's just that there are different kinds of happiness; the type that comes from ignoring everything that displeases you, and maybe there is a type that comes from a certain contentment but awareness. Or maybe happy just isn’t a very good word to use.

And then it clicked.

There is a song called Happy Is A Yuppie Word. I've read the song story and it comes from a Bob Dylan quote. He is asked by Rolling Stone magazine on the occasion of his 50th birthday if he is happy. He replies, "These are yuppie words; happiness and unhappiness. It's not happiness or unhappiness; it's blessed or unblessed." I've read it many times and thought yeah whatever. I mean I thought it was a nice sentiment and all, but just as I wrote this blog (or when I wrote the original), as I sat there trying to justify happiness without ignorance, this seems to be the solution. Blessed is a much better word.

I feel like 'blessed' encapsulates a larger understanding. I think it captures an awareness and broader view than happiness. To know that there are horrible things going on in the world; but to know that there is so, so much beauty, and love, and hope. A happiness without ignorance. Kind of like a contentment but at the same time a discontent that moves you to action. I think it's the kind of thing that only works with a knowledge of the existence of God. Well, that's how it makes sense to me anyway. But I'm not going to get into the existence of God in this post, it's quite long enough and I'm not done yet.

Going back to the original quote, I don't think it's a ridiculous notion at all. I appreciate the idea of it, but have to conclude that it's also necessary not to ignore the things that might make you miserable. Balance is best. "If you approach life and forget about the atrocities that we commit, then you're not being honest. And if you approach life and simply look at the terrible things and forget about the amazing aspects of what it means to be alive, then you're going to be suicidal. So, somewhere in the middle is honesty and embracing all of life."

In reality, I don't think it's physically (or mentally?) possible to be aware of everything at once. So I guess we live our entire lives in a state of ignorance. Just depends on what things it is that you are ignorant of at a particular moment. So when you're not ignorant of the things that require change, that require action, you'd better do something about it. Fill yourself with the hope that inspires change, because "every day you're alive, you change the world."

it starts here

Well. I haven't posted in a loong time. Okay, since the day I set this up. I don't know how much I will post or what it's going to be even but I'm going to start putting a bit more effort into this.

Right now I'm learning html coding and will hopefully learn quickly. I want to make an awesome layout for this page; but I'm a while off that.

So here's to the beginning of this blog. For real. Maybe.

There are a couple of blogs I wrote a long time ago that will probably appear soon, might edit them a bit first though. Might read over them and think "Gosh...what an idiot. Why were you thinking about that? It's obvious now."